"In an Instant: The Emotional Journey of Sudden Bereavement"

Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight

Here one day

Gone one night

Like a sunset

Dying with the rising of the moon

Gone too soon

(Lyrics - Michael Jackson's "Gone Too Soon")

Losing a loved one is an incredibly personal experience that can be marked by a whole range of emotions. Initially, shock and disbelief may set in, followed by intense feelings of sadness, longing, and emptiness. It's not uncommon to also experience emotions like anger, guilt, or regret as we reflect on our relationship with the person who has passed away. Grief can impact every aspect of our lives, affecting our sleep, appetite, and concentration, and it may even manifest in physical symptoms such as fatigue or illness.

I'm starting to write about my grief after losing a loved one, hoping that through writing, I can find healing and eventually move toward finding the sense of normalcy that I'm longing for. This may or may not be the first in a series of writings but that is yet to be seen.

My mother was not just a mother; she was my best friend. I have three other siblings and we all individually and collectively shared a special bond with Mommy. On June 18, 2024 at 9:34 p.m., this bond was interrupted as Mommy transitioned suddenly and we believe prematurely over to the other life. Coming to terms with this profound loss has been incredibly challenging.

At her funeral, my nephew and her first grandchild spoke about the concept of the "two deaths" in ancient Egyptian belief, and his words have been playing over and over in my mind ever since. The concept of the "two deaths" in ancient Egyptian belief refers to the idea that an individual could physically and spiritually die. The first death occurs when a person physically dies and this is seen as a natural part of life where the body ceases to function and the soul begins its journey to the afterlife. The second death is viewed as more profound and this represents the death of the soul. This was considered to be the true death, as it meant that the individual would cease to exist entirely and the Egyptians felt that this represented the complete end of existence. The statement “May her soul rest in peace” has never meant more to me than it does now. My mommy was a woman of God and everything she did, she did to His honor and glory. My hope is that she does not believe that she has unfinished business to do on His behalf and that she is therefore resting in peace knowing that she did all that she was commissioned by Him to do.

Today, I want to share some of my experiences of grief and sorrow. I am acutely aware that I am not the first nor will I be the last who has lost a loved one. I share that everyone's grief is unique; no two individuals experience it the same way. I guarantee you that to tell someone that you understand, is no comfort to them because you Do NOT understand. What you do understand is your own grief. Sunday church attendance is a regular part of my life, but now, after my mother's passing, it has become an emotional struggle. It is not a struggle because my faith is shaken. It has not. My faith is possibly stronger than it ever was before. Sitting in church alone, without my mother beside me, and listening to the hymns that we love being sung reopens the wounds, and the tears begin to flow again. Going for communion without my mother walking with me to share this special experience that is renewed each week is a pain that I simply do not know how to explain.

I have come to understand the need for time and space after losing a loved one. The pain of loss does not just disappear with time. I have recognized that it may be triggered by a thought, an activity, a smell, or a sound that was unique to the bond shared. Grieving is a deeply personal journey, influenced by our relationship with the deceased, the support we have, and our emotional resilience. Based on my own experience, I ask that we all show compassion (NOT PITY) to those who are grieving. This piece is being written after a session of tears, as I've found writing can be a source of healing for me. If someone needs to talk, let's be there to listen, and if they need space, let's respect that too. Healing from grief is a deeply personal process, and it's okay for individuals to handle it in their way.

I believed that my mommy was immortal. So I am in shock at her passing. I do not know if this shock will ever fade. What I do know is that I am heartbroken and not sure if true healing will ever come.

I reiterate that she was born to amuse, to inspire, to delight, here one day and gone one night. Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon, she was gone too soon.

Rest in Peace, my Angel!